NeilCraigan.Com

Irish Maths Test!

I was sent this by my brother and I found it too funny to not post here.

Paddy wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little maths test. 
Here is your first question, the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." 
"Without numbers?" Paddy says? "Dat's easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks. 
"Have you no brain? Tree and tree plus tree makes 9" says Paddy. 
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." 
Paddy stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree... "Ere ye go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" 
"Each of them trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, plus dirty tree. Dat makes 99." 
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire Paddy, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100.." 
Paddy stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere ye go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" 
Paddy leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and whispers, "A little dog came along and pooped by each tree. 
So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes ONE HUNDRED!" 
  
Paddy is the new supervisor.

Do you have a tail?

Here is the gist of a conversation I had with our youngest on the way to daycare this morning. I thought I was going to die laughing, but she was deadly serious about all of these questions! Isn't being a parent just terrific.

Child: Do you have a tail?
Dad: No, I don't have a tail
Child: Did you have a tail when you were a little boy?
Dad: No, I never had a tail
Child: Did you tail fall off?
Dad:People don't have tails
Child: A tail that your pee pee comes out of, do you have one of those?
Dad: Eh, yes, I have one of those
Child: The boys at daycare squeeze theirs to make pee pee come out, we have to go potty with the door open. We can see their tails.
Dad: OK
Child: I've never seen your tail because you always close the door
Dad: Right, that's one of our private body parts, so I go potty with the door closed
Child: Yes, girls sit down to go potty but boys can stand up or sit down. Do you stand up daddy?
Dad: Yes, sometimes I stand up.
Child: Boys can sit down too and then their tails go into the water.
Dad: So are you going to do anything fun at school today?

Friday Fun: Eating Meat On Friday

It's Friday and it's Lent, so here's a little story that Trevor Morrow tells in his book ''Free to Love.' The story originally came from 'Growing Up Catholic.' I hope you enjoy it...

If you were at  a baseball game on a Friday night and you wanted a hot dog, you had a problem because you are not supposed to eat meat on Friday,"Now just considering eating meat on Friday is a venial sin; wanting to eat meat is another one. So you have not even moved in your seat and you have already sinned twice. What if you actually ate one?! Aside from the risk of choking on forbidden food and receiving your temporal punishment on the spot, have you committed a mortal sin or a venial sin? Well if you think its mortal, it may be mortal; and if you think its venial, it may still be mortal. After much thought, you decide its venial, so you call the hot dog vendor, you take the money out of your pocket and you buy a hot dog; this is clearly an act of freewill. You figure you can go to confession on Saturday - but wait does a venial sin become mortal when you commit it deliberately? That's a chance you take. What if you've forgotten its Friday? In that case eating the hot dog may not be a sin... but forgetting that it's Friday is! What if you remember it's Friday half way through the hot dog, is it a venial sin to finish it? If you throw it away, is wasting food a sin? In five minutes you have committed enough sins to land you in purgatory for a million years! The simplest course is just not to take any chances, and avoid the near occasion of sin and stay out of ballparks on Friday!"

And that is why I'm a Presbyterian! Actually we have our own set of silly rules, they just haven't been canonized in the same way.

Three Rules To Convince Yourself Winter's Not So Bad!

Here in Minnesota we have a way of coping with the weather that I will have to learn again for I have indeed forgotten...

It was -13F this morning but the weather guy on the radio said, "at least there's no wind."
Rule number 1: Always celebrate when there is no wind.
Even if it is still cold enough for your fingers and toes to drop off with only a short exposure to the elements! It has now warmed up to -1F but the wind has picked up to 5mph bringing a windchill of -12F, oh well, we claimed this rule while we could!

Yesterday morning I woke up to temperatures of -20F and was told by a native Minnesotan, "Ah, but the sun is shining!"
Rule number 2: If the sun is shining then the cold can't be as bad as you think
Really, then why was no one out in bathing suits and bikinis, why did the hairs in my nose freeze when I tried to breath, why do my lips go numb after a minute or two?

One of the phrases the native Minnesotan loves to state is that we have four season here. You may ask which four? Well, they would be the same four that people all over the world have, winter, spring, summer and autumn.
Rule Number 3: Convince yourself that the four seasons are special in Minnesota.
They are indeed special as November sees an average snowfall of 6.1 inches and April an average snowfall of 2.9 inches. This winter form of precipitation would lead me to believe that winter is a five to six month season, not many places can claim this! Only June, July and August have never recorded snow. 

Perhaps there are other rules that I'm unaware of or have forgotten, if so please remind me, I need to relearn them and be fully assimilated back into the culture!

Bob Dylan - Must Be Santa

Perhaps its a little early for Christmas stuff but when Bryan posted this I couldn't help but get on board with it.

Did I mention that all royalties from this his Christmas in the Heart album will be going to Feeding America.

Semi-New Cars!!!

I received this business card in the mail. I've seen cars listed as 'certified used' but 'semi-new' is a new one for me!

A Christian Worldview?

On Sunday evening I took the "Political Ideology Quiz" on Facebook, the result suggested that I might be "moderately liberal." I think this is a fair assessment of where I fall in the grand scheme of American political ideology. Of interest to me was the comment from my dear friend Mark, "So, as a follower of Jesus, pastor and serious student of the Bible, would you then say that God's word espouses a moderately liberal worldview?"

So how do I respond to Mark's question?
The simple answer to the question Mark poses is "no!"
God's word doesn't espouse either a conservative or liberal worldview, it gives us a kingdom of God view of the world. It reminds us that our allegiance is no longer to any nation of this world but rather to God and the building of His kingdom. Quite frankly there are simply too many people who try and describe the so-called "Christian Worldview" as a set of political and social positions that one must hold in the world, nonsense is all I have to say to that.

So what then is a Christian Worldview? The answer is that it is one informed by a relationship with the living God through Jesus Christ. It is a subversive position in regards to every kingdom (nation) of this world in that it challenges the assumptions of power and authority structures as they currently exist.

It is a worldview that gives special recognition to the poor in spirit (just poor in Luke), to those who mourn, to the meek, to those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, to the merciful, to the peacemakers and to the persecuted. It is a worldview in which the first will be last and the last will be first. It is a worldview that turns the pride, ambition and arrogance of the world's systems on its head.

A truly "Christian Worldview" will recognize the danger of anger (Matt 5:22), the reality that lust is the equivalent of adultery (Matt 5:28) and the importance of faithfulness in marriage (Matt 5:32 this passage needs further explanation). A "Christian Worldview" is one where we can trust one another to be truth-tellers (Matt 5:37).

At this point I don't think there is anything here that is inherently conservative or liberal.

A "Christian Worldview" does not resist an evil person but rather turns the other cheek, gives more than is asked, goes the extra mile and gives to the one who asks.

 A "Christian Worldview" is one in which we love, don't kill, our enemies. Indeed it is a worldview in which we pray for our persecutors so we may be known as children of our Father in Heaven (Matthew 5:44). If our enemy is hungry we are to feed them, if they are thirsty we are to give them something to drink (Romans 12:20) this is how we do battle with our enemies in the kingdom of God.

A "Christian Worldview" is one in which we give to the needy but don't boast about it, are prayerful but keep it simple and fast not for show but for growth in our relationship with God.

A "Christian Worldview" doesn't worry about about things beyond your control and serves God and God alone, it is a call not to self-fulfillment but rather to self-denial. (Luke 9:23)

A "Christian Worldview" in contrast to the worlds view doesn't judge others before taking a long hard look at youself. It understands that that God has good gifts to give you and to all who would follow Christ.

A "Christian Worldview" is not a big wide easy road, rather it is a narrow gate that leads to life.

Would I dare suggest that a "Christian Worldview" demands equality? I might but certainly Scripture does... "Our desire is not that others might be relieved while you are hard pressed, but that there might be equality." (2Cor. 8:13)

Conservative or Liberal? Wrong question.
Are you seeking to follow God with all you have? Right Question.

 

Left or Right?

Here's a crazy optical illusion. The silhouette can be seen to be spinning in both directions... don't believe me just watch long enough and you'll see it (you may have to focus on the shadow the shadow to see it change direction.)

Is she spinning clockwise? YES! Is she spinning anti-clockwise? YES! Can she be spinning both ways at the same time? NO! But two people could argue rightly for hours over which way she is actually spinning.

Hmm... makes me think about how important it is to listen to others who may see things from a slightly different perspective.

Inside the Real High School Musical - they really are great kids!

If you didn't see "Inside The Real High School Musical" on 20/20 last night then you should check out the videos posted on ABC site here. It was great to see so many of these young people who are part of our church family on national TV! I've enjoyed getting to know some of them through our church productions of Godspell, Footloose and the Nifty Fifties.

If you're in the Centreville area and would like to hear more of Nick Cirillo, he will be playing the prelude for us on December 28!

Running the [cross] country

I was reading to my youngest last night. The story was "Arthur Meets The President." In the story Arthur's kid sister DW says, "I have a lot of ideas about how to run the country." To which my dear little one says, "my sisters run the country too dad!"

Just last week her two older sisters had started running cross country, but to a three year running cross country and running the country seemed like the same thing... hmm... I wonder?

Technology and Nature

Another day at the lake, the haunting cry of the Loon fills the air. The sun sets and there is a strange blend of the natural and technology.

Wisconsin Blogging!!!

Well, here I am in Amery, Wisconsin, on the shore of Lake Wapogasset. Any blog posts this week will be coming from here...

It's beautiful at sunset...

(Photographs by eldest and second child)

Cost of Gas

I know we bemoan the cost of gas, but in the UK right now the cost of gas is 113.67p and that's for a litre, not a gallon.

So we take the average cost of gas 113, and convert that to USD, 113 x 1.97 = 222.61 so a litre of gas is $2.22 and we convert into a cost per gallon, 2.22 x 3.785 = 8.40

The cost of gas in the UK is $8.40 per gallon!

Ouch!!!

A Little Soccer Fun

It's been a little over a week since I posted anything and to be quite honest  with the nice spring weather I haven't felt like stirring the pot much so here's just a little fun with a soccer ball. These guys are talented!

Karl Barth makes the comics page!

Who'd have thought Karl Barth would make it onto the comics strip! Thanks to Mutts

Happy Thanksgiving with Adam Sandler

Enjoy the little things in life

Once again my children's friends got a thrill riding with me in my car. What's so exciting about my car? It's a Kia! Actually it's a Kia Rio with no frills attached (except air conditioning and CD player). What really amuses the kids is that if they want to open a window they have to crank it open with a good old fashioned hand crank! Several of our kids friends have got into our cars (Jenny's drives a basic Kia Sephia) and announced to us that they have never seen a car window that you had to wind.

It's Friday afternoon, enjoy the little things in life.

The National Institue for Play

Do you play enough? Check out The National Institute for Play. We all need to play more, one of the Institutes directors is Kevin Carroll of red rubber ball fame, when you have a moment check out his blog.

Now go and play.

Play time!

I'm going to the beach today! Virginia Beach, for the Rock and Roll Half Marathon, can't wait to play in the ocean, run in the race, listen to the bands and hang out with my best friend and wife, Jenny.

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Irish Demolition Prank

My brother-in-law, Neil, just sent me this. It's just hilarious!